The Intimacy Snare, Stabilizing Hormones and the Noggin

As I had my early morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column captured my eye. A reader wrote in with a dating dilemma and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women utilize sex to obtain love, and guys utilize love to obtain sex." This is a terrific summation of the "Sex Trap."

The Sex Trap is comparable to the Love Trap, where songs translate great sex as love. However those who fall into the Sex Trap go even farther because for these singles, having sex brings tremendous significance and repercussions.

Singles fall into the Sex Trap in one (or both) of two ways:

A.they believe sex is a necessary test of compatibility, (if the sex readies then the relationship will ready too).

B.more commonly, all awareness heads out the window, and one or both formerly level-headed singles consider themselves a dedicated couple as quickly as they make love.
So, instead of taking a look at whether this other person might be a match on levels aside from physical destination-- such as long-lasting requirements, needs, and wants-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.

No doubt, it can be challenging to stay connected with truth when all those hormonal agents are cutting loose. Our body responds to somebody we are brought in to by producing hormones such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural mood enhancers), and testosterone (increases sexual desire), which makes the opportunity to have sex with somebody we are drawn in to extremely tough to resist. Then, after orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts on the hypothalamus to produce feelings), which makes us feel really near and bonded with our sex partner.

These chain reactions are uncontrolled and strong , resulting in powerful feelings of attraction, enjoyment, nearness, love, and wellness .

However when issues develop, those who fall into the Sex Trap often justify by believing, helpful hints "Well, we've got problems, but the sex is terrific!" They probably wouldn't confess, however they prioritize physical intimacy and regard the rest as optional. Their primary scouting tools are sexual attraction and physical compatibility.

Barry North, an RCI coach who works mostly with gay guys, states that much of his clients have actually fallen into the Sex Trap.

" For gay males especially in cosmopolitan areas, sex is easily offered, and that in itself is a trap," North says. Why waste your time if the sex isn't going to be great?".

North includes, "I suspect this is a ' man' thing rather than a 'gay' thing.".
I do wish to point out that chemistry is necessary. Chemistry is a provided that we cannot manage in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it must be there for the collaboration to work. If not there, we cannot "make" chemistry occur, though in some cases it can grow gradually.

Singles who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry threat relationship failure when the hormone-induced intoxication disappears and reality hits.

To prevent the Sex Trap, you should stabilize your heart (and hormonal agents) with your head. This indicates combining chemistry with good sense. While excellent sex is very important for a sustainable relationship, you require to make your partner choices by paying full attention to your vision, requirements, worths, and objectives -- while feeling all those exciting stimulates!

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