The Sex Trap, Balancing Hormonal Agents and the Brain

As I had my early morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column captured my eye. A reader composed in with a dating dilemma and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women use sex to get love, and guys utilize love to obtain sex." This is a excellent summation of the "Sex Trap."

The Sex Trap resembles the Love Trap, where singles analyze excellent sex as love. But those who fall under the Sex Trap go even farther because for these singles, having sex carries immense meaning and consequences.

Singles fall into the Sex Trap in one (or both) of two ways:

A.they believe sex is a necessary test of compatibility, (if the sex is great then the relationship will be great as well).

B.more typically, all consciousness goes out the window, and one or both formerly level-headed singles consider themselves a committed couple as quickly as they make love.
Rather than looking at whether this other person may be a match on levels other than physical destination-- such as long-lasting requirements, needs, and wants-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.

No doubt, it can be challenging to stay connected with truth when all those hormones are running wild. Our body responds to somebody we are drawn in to by producing hormones such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural state of mind enhancers), and testosterone ( boosts sexual desire), makings the opportunity to have sex with somebody we are drawn in to incredibly hard to withstand. After orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts on the hypothalamus to produce emotions), which makes us feel really close to and bonded with our sex partner.

These chemical responses are strong and involuntary , causing powerful feelings of destination, excitement, wellness, nearness, and love .

When issues arise, those who fall into the Sex Trap frequently rationalize by believing, "Well, we've got issues, however the sex is excellent!" They most likely wouldn't admit it, but they prioritize physical intimacy and concern the rest as optional. Their main searching tools are sexual tourist attraction and physical compatibility.

Barry North, an RCI coach who works mainly with gay guys, says that much of his clients have fallen under the Sex Trap.

" For gay men especially in urbane areas, sex is readily available, which in itself is a trap," North states. "In addition, the culture, with its emphasis on physical appearance, motivates sexual activity. If a possible partner is going to be sexually suitable, many gay guys want to discover out from the beginning. Why waste your time if the sex isn't really going to be great?".

Nonetheless, North includes, "I think this is a ' man' thing rather than a 'gay' thing.".
I do desire to mention that chemistry is very important. Chemistry is a provided that we cannot manage in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it must be there for the partnership to work. If not there, we cannot "make" chemistry happen, though sometimes it can grow with time.

When the hormone-induced intoxication wears off and reality hits, Singles who pursue a relationship based go to this web-site upon sexual chemistry danger relationship failure.

To avoid the Sex Trap, you need to balance your heart (and hormonal agents) with your head. This indicates combining chemistry with good sense. While good sex is necessary for a sustainable relationship, you have to make your partner choices by paying complete focus on your vision, values, requirements, and objectives -- while feeling all those interesting sparks!

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